Timeline for Various Virtuosic Variety
Current License: CC BY-SA 3.0
7 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Aug 24, 2016 at 16:04 | history | edited | Avigrail | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
deleted 6 characters in body
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| Aug 24, 2016 at 16:04 | comment | added | Avigrail | That may be because of the "well" bringing in a little break. But that is actually intended and should appear like someone is thinking for a second before speaking. | |
| Aug 24, 2016 at 14:20 | comment | added | Hugh Meyers | Verse usually sounds better if each line has the same pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables. Most of the lines here go: "up DOWN up DOWN up DOWN up DOWN". So "it SOMEhow SOUNDS faMILiar THOUGH" scans perfectly. A little variation between lines is fine but the last two lines are quite far from following the pattern. It is jarring to the reader. | |
| Aug 24, 2016 at 14:04 | comment | added | Avigrail | Yeah, the first line could e changed. Not sure what you're on about with that cardboard though | |
| Aug 24, 2016 at 13:42 | comment | added | Hugh Meyers | A number of problems with scanning. In the first line, why not use "I've" instead of "I have"? For line 4 consider "Alas, my wings are bound too tight". For the last two lines, perhaps "A cardboard coffin shuts me in/At least I lie among my kin." | |
| Aug 24, 2016 at 7:44 | history | edited | Avigrail | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
deleted 1 character in body
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| Aug 24, 2016 at 7:10 | history | answered | Avigrail | CC BY-SA 3.0 |